Squeaky wheel - Pt 1

[This post is the first of four on the topic of raising a
bullying or harassment complaint.
You can put all four essay together by clicking here.]

Do not accept being mistreated.

This isn't about one outburst, it is about repeated conduct. Because bad habits don't usually fade away, I suggest that you make your dissatisfaction clear — here's how:

• Make an appointment.
• Don't make it apparent that your complaint is the topic: "I would like to speak with you about this morning's meeting. I only need 2 minutes."
• Don't discuss your complaint on the phone: "I would feel more comfortable speaking to you in person."
• Meet privately.
• Rehearse what you plan to say.
• In the meeting, be direct. For example: "I was disappointed that you spoke over me at this morning's meeting. It' s happened before, and then, as now, I found it humiliating."
• Don't attribute motives. Don't debate. Don't ask for an apology.
• After making your point, get up from your chair, thank the person for affording you the time, and leave.

This isn't a plea, it's notice.

Later that day write an email: "Thank you for meeting with me this afternoon. It was important for me to make my concern clear. Regards." Do not revisit the substance, that will only elicit a denial.

If the behaviour continues, then it's time to get professional assistance. ▪

The strongest bond of human sympathy,
outside of the family relation,
should be one uniting all working people,
of all nations, and tongues,
—Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) 16th US President

Civil courage

I talk to many witnesses about what they've seen and what they've heard. Within the "cone of silence" they are effusive. But because my questions are usually raised about some case, my question eventually becomes: Would you be willing to give that as your testimony in this case?

Oh, the dissembling then.

Do I know how vindictive the dean can be? Yes, I know. Do I know that next year will be the year for a promotion attempt? No, I didn't know that—good luck. Do I know that there's a grant application in? No, and grant money is hard to find these days. Do I know what happened to so-and-so when she complained...?

Once, in a while, however, the reply is a simple, "Of course."

It's that occasional reply that sustains me for months.

Not long ago an elected officer reminded me of the phrase "civil courage." And, following that I found Gesine Schwan's useful definition:

...civil courage [is] an attitude and behavior that relies on an individual decision motivated and legitimated by the fundamental value of human dignity for whose protection the courageous individual behaves in a nonconformist manner and takes a personal risk.

Once, in a while. ▪

The lion and the calf will lay down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
—Woody Allen (b. 1935)

Harmony of the workplace

There is a line between what's personal and what involves the job. This is commonly misinterpreted to mean that what happens away from the job is automatically unrelated to employment. That's a rough guide — and only one element amongst many. When the off-duty activity indirectly affects the workplace, however, that line begins to fade.

I recall a US case where an employee stole a car. It happened both off duty and off the premises of the employer. The thief pleaded guilty but wasn't jailed. It became interesting when it turned out the car belonged to a fellow employee. The thief was sacked and he sought reinstatement claiming the matter was unrelated to his work.

The question became whether it was reasonable to expect the employer to require the victim of the crime to work alongside the thief. The joy-rider was not reinstated — on the basis that his presence would disturb the "harmony of the workplace."

My message is that the off-duty nature of a matter should not automatically be regarded as a shield. Positions in the public eye, positions of trust or positions that deal with children further complicate matters. In the case of any doubt, get professional advice. ▪

The challenge isn't to keep your eye on big competitors.
It's to pay attention to the innovators.
—David Duffield (b. 1941)